disintegrate

rate

friday!
stayed home the whole day.
then at nite went to meet jiahui and shiwei for dinner at lot1.
hahaa..then went to see the hamsters there!
so cute lorr.. but sad cos my daddy dun wanna let me keep.

saturday!
went for captain ball in the morning!
we played for 3 games, won 2 games and lost the last game.
lost with 2-1. by one point. sobb...
but nvm la. we still got 2nd and won ourselves some marche vouchers!
yeaH!
great teamwork! good game!
my group consists of me, jiahui, zhiyan, clifford, rubez, meiping!
went for svc and deliverance meeting... it's really good! =DD

sunday!
overslept. but thank god i made it to cgm!
God was really good to me! the road to cgm was so smooth and i reach bro mj hse in abt 15min.
from clementi to marine terrace. 15min is like really fast!!!
after that went to parkway to walk walk. then go tm!
arcade!!!! met simon, sijia and their cg ppl there.
then jia and simon play the table hockey thingy.
they are really good lorr.. but sitting next to the table was really scary.
cos the 'puck'(think is called this?) was like flying off the table.

monday!
went to school at 2pm.
class supposed to start at 2 and end at 4.
but the teacher took his own sweet time and started at 230.
ended class at 250. abit waste of time ar!!!

gonna study for test later!
im like having test on all tue, wed, thur and fri!
so dead cos i haven studied on any. and they are all chim module.

hmm. if God were to let my life start all over again,
will i still choose to walk the same path that i've walked,
thou i alr knew how the ending would be.
will i try hard to improve wadever situation im in,
or will i walk a brand new journey,
with different ppl in it?

our lives are bounded by the decisions we make.
every single day, we gotta make decisions on wad we wanna wear, wad we wanna eat, etc..

yet it is written in the bible.
Matthew 6:25-34" Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? ...

hmm. God plans everything for us.
yet why so many times we are still so bothered abt decision-makingg =XX

this few days are really tough to pass.
training after training cos competition is juz TML!!!
so gotta pray for me! for strength...
but really enjoyed myself... =DD

last friday did practical almost for the whole day,
rubez came all the way down from business block to come find me.
she's so nice!! =DD
then at night went to SGH acc chenli visit her grandfather
the operation was successful. -praise the lord-
her lil cousin very cute lorr, but abit active.
then we acc him take the lift up and down.
ha..after that took chenli's uncle lorry to the nearest mrt.
its the first time i took a lorry
nice experience!!! get to feel the cool night breeze, and c the beautiful stars in the sky.

saturday went training with mengjuan
went for svc which was abt some marriage stuff. haa
then i requested to go ms for fellowship
cos im supposed to meet my bro to watch pirates.
reached there le i pangseh them =X
but dearest jia and zhiyan shopped there till like 11plus?
arent they pro at shopping? somemore spent so much $$$.
pirates not very nice la.previous one nicer!
somehow noe abit abt the ending cos jiahui called me during the show?
ended up watch finish, missed my last bus home.
so we changed bus from one place to another and reached home at 12plus
-.-""

sunday was a really longgg day.
got out of my house at 8 in the morning and reached home at 8pm at night
so spend my whole day out!!
went to expo to pass sth to my fren, in the end he overslept!
went bedok for breakfast with jiahui and fren from UK, clifford.
went to bro mj hse for cgm.
went to parkway parade to eat, walkwalk, then play arcade.
jiahui so violent. trying so hard to kill me and clifford, and poor rubez was beside him.
went to bugis. introduced bubble tea to our "foreign exchange" fren!
jiahui was once again like a lil boy playing arcade. haha
zhiyan came to join us.
send clifford and jia to anchorage..
so in one day i travelled to 6 places before going home!

this week is going to be a week of sports!
yeah..!
monday-training, wednesday-competition, thursday-training, friday-napfa
congrats to me if im still alive at the end of this week... hee ((x

tuesday.
went for track briefing...
cant imagine myself running for the track.
haaa...saw guetping...
its like so long since i last saw her..

wednesday.
went to school for lecture.
went to eat pizza hut with rubez and carolyn.
we were like waiting for about an hour for our pizza to come.
but there is like only one waiter there. so quite sad.
did gems report at the t532
its a studio la. there very beautiful.
the place looks as thou its a office workplace..
everyone have their own com.
if only i had something like that in school, think i wont even wanna go home..
really a good environment to study.not like my house.
noisy and alot of distractionss... hmm.... x((

today.
classes were all really short.had like abt total of 4hrs break.
went to jog and do exercises at the track.
preparing for my competition and napfa test.
im quite scared cos my stamina really decrease by alot.
with the fact that i haven been running for dunno how long..
sighh...then i got injure while running.
so malu.. fell and got like 5 cuts on me... *ouch!!!

now waiting for my last 2hr lecture.
slacking lesson...EFFECTIVE INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION. in short -eic.
i wanna faster end school and go home... feeling so tired.
recently think im really tired.
tired physically, mentally and spiritually.
maybe becos too many things to do ba. no time!!! =(
i needa go back to the heart of worship once again.. like rubez and the rest of the ppl...
i needa jiayou in everything!!! =))

hmm i juz finished reading rubez's blog.
which really made me so ashamed of myself.
so many things God reveals to me, yet i forget.
i haven been obedient for a long period of time.

i noe in my heart of how much i wanted to noe Him better,
how much i wanna seek Him.
yet im letting all my tiredness and work pull me down.
dry, the word can be used to descirbe me now.

really feel like breaking down and cry my heart to Him.
im so guilty.
i think im alr on the walk of the world, and not on the walk with God.
i need to feel His presence.
i need the revival and joy of the Lord.
i need to pray real hard.
my spirit is willing, but my flesh is failing me!
when am i gonna wake up?
i have really been so stagnant for the past few months.
haven been thankful for so many things for the past few weeks?

irritated..
how nice it would be to juz be a child.
innocent and full of joy.....
=((

i have been thinking of cg ppl
zhiyan, jiahui, rubez, meiping, wanlin, zhihao, chimpo, roy, weekiat, samuel, gary, guowei.

zhiyan. cg helper.
a person that is trying so hard to please everyone.
yet always receiving shoot backs
i admire him alot.cos he stands strong even aft al the attacks
think i wont b able to handle that.
someone that im close to in cg.
really enjoy toking to him sometimes.
*to zhiyan:
thanks for being there for me.providing me with the diff kinds of advices.always there to b my listening ear.

jiahui. cg guitarist.
a person that is always in this own world. daydreaming i think.
can play the guitar really well. have high expectations on things.
someone that i used to be v close to.
yet now not so close.
i always nv knew to tok to him abt.so there's always a moment of silence betw us.
im forever saying the wrong things to him whenever i open my mouth.
*to jiahui:
hey sorry.think im kinda saying the wrong things to u all the time. hope u wont mind or be angry with me ya?really hoping to understand u better yet i dunno how to.so many things i wanna share with u yet oso dunno how to.think i kinda dun haf the courage to speak to u...really sorryy...im another one that failed u, i guess...

rubez. my laopo.
one of the closest to me in cg.
a person that faces situations with me together.
willing to listen to my problems and provide me with advices
someone that went thru alot that others nv gone.
have the ability to empathize others.
*to rubez:
great noeing u cos u brightens up my day. learnt alot from u. so thank you. for making me feel important. u are loved by me! <3

the rest?
think i dun really noe them that well..
shows that i really got to make more effort to get to noe them.
meiping and wanlin are nice sis!juz gotta tok to them more. spend more time with them.

haven been bloggin for the past few days.
upon request from my darling, i shall update. SUMMARIZED!

thursday.
went to meet jiahui for dinner at lot1.
supposed to meet at 530.
in the end the both of us reached so early.
amazing hur? im early. hahaa
walked ard and i bought a bag!
adidas de.but its really big...
went to eat long john, then went off le.
acc jh go interchange wait for bus.
then i took train to jo's hse at yck.
my cute lil chloe got a new hair cut!
she definitely cut her hair more often than i do. (^-^)
im missing her so much!

friday.
i din go to school.
met up with candice and colin to go kbox.
quite fun la.sing and sing and sing.
but im really tired that day.
aft that met up with carolyn, sam, jh.
ate at some jap stall at cine basement.
went taka to cos colin wanted to get sth.
home.

saturday.
went to eat some restuarant at bukit timah there with xun n daddy
was really very full.but quite cheap there.
xiaolaogong came down to my hse.
then we went to raffles lorr.
mazda3.i like that car.
so everytime sit his car sure damn happy.
supposed to meet zhiyan, wanlin, meiping at pasir ris.
but i ended up at tm! *oops.
went for svc. fellowship at tm once again.
pizza? 5ppl eating like the share of 8 ppl yet we swept them al.
effort of the guys! hee...

sunday.
met up with shiwei, cos i made her come along with me to sentosa. =))
its a cg outing la. glad that she went.
andrew came in a taxi to fetch us to harbourfront.
met up with jiahui, wanlin, meiping, zhiyan, chimpo, rubez.
took shangrila bus to sentosa. so i saved $3. haa
vball, swimming, musical fountain.
think thats all we did there.
musical fountain was really cute! wad a pity for those who left.
zhiyan wans me to beware of andrew?
yupp think he's abit scary.cos he treats me more than some normal frenz
so i gotta learn to protect myself from him!
im burnt and im having swollen cuts. *ouch! they are really painful =((

monday. (today)
woke up really early cos got prac.
ended at 10.ate lunch, went home slp.
went sch again for lect at 2. short lesson today.
went home slp again.
im quite like a pig.. bt im really lacking slp!!
met shiwei, kel, yess, ivn at holland v to meet mrs toh
its been ages since we last seen each another.
mrs toh gave al of us a treat and we're al like so paiseh.
i went home, the rest ended at swensens.
having training tml. running 800m for school next wed.
napfa on next fri. thinking of how im gonna tahan.
God provide me with more strength! I NEED STRENGTH

thats abt it for the past few days.
think i've been enjoying myself too much the past few days.
had real great fun!
and its time i start concentrating on my sch work
think im really slacking. not a good thing.
i needa focus. i need to buck up!!! =X

*45 more min to jeff's bday. gonna send him a msg laterr..
(guys, no other meaning k! rubez can relac! haha. but thanks rubez for al the concerns u gave. greatly appreciated) <<33

hmm im in school now.
nv attend any lessonns today.
juz rotting inside the lib.

things are getting from bad to worse.
at least for me. sigh
think once again im putting myself into diappointment.
disappointment over disappointment.
which really made me dun even feel like doing anything.
sighh...dun feel like going to school, dun feel like eating, dun feel like watching tv...
once again im negative, so negative.
maybe like wad jeff said.i haven changed a single bit,for the past two years.
isnt that so sad.my spiritual life hasnt been very stable.
im losing the fire and being on fire time to time
juz like some kind of stock market.
when m i ever gonna change.

cell group last week toked abt HANDLING DISAPPOINTMENT
ya i really think its a message for me, so for me.
its about how two person, michal and bathesheba, handled their disappointment which led them to two diff ending.
for me, i feel that im like michal, so much into turning my disappointment into bitterness.
how am i supposed to transform to become like bathesheba?
i gonna start thinking everything in a very diff way!!!

there are 3 kinds of disappointment in life.
disappointment with things, people, and events.
think im definitely disappointed with things and people. maybe even events?
then we toked abt sharing our disappointment.
hmm so much i wanted to share, yet i dunno who i shld share to
even if someone's there, i probably wont even noe wad to say.
perhaps cos i prefer putting up a hard front.
or its juz becos i dun wanna cry in front of others.
its like so embarassing. its juz my ego...
arghh...

unstable me, indecisive me
its juz so me!!!
changing my decisions over and over again.
im juz so easily affected.
by the people and the things around me.
im so influenced by circumstances.
so many times i read my bible.
so many times god spoke to me abt things
yet im juz so disobedient. doing things in a diff way...
when m i going to ever learn!
i really feel like isolating myself,going to somewhere where noone can find me
carol told me thats wad the devil wans me to do.
and i found myself stuck most of the time, w/o knowing wad to do...

god help me.
teach me, heal me from all my pain.
im feeling so bad inside
cleanse me once again, remove that ugly me...
take away all my sins.and give me the right decisions to all the things around me.
when im weak, you are strong!

hmm a short day today.
only got 3hrs of school. but was really boring.
most ppl ended up slping in class.
2hrs only taught 2pgs. how pro can my teacher b rite?

met up with chenli at northpoint to eat kfc.
stoned at level 2 while waiting for yangxuan to come.
then yangxuan tried 2 dresses.today its her turn.
hee.ended up finding ourselves walking towards the bus interchange.
chenli went home.i acc yangxuan go foodcourt eat.
after that went home.yangxuan so poor thing.went there for a while only.

finally bought the frame for the jeff's puzzle.
isnt that ex after all..hee
placed it in le.
but the process's really painful.
made till my thumbs now al got blisters
wad a painful gift hur, yet not noeing whether that irritating person will actually appreciate.
wadever la~ (:

talked to my xiaolaogong.
juz realised that its been a very long time since i last saw him
which was like last yr's christmas.
hahaa..most prob will be c-ing him on sunday ba.
cos we both will b going to sentosa but separately?
got sentosa tournment there on sunday. which means its gonna be real crowded
and i'll b c-ing alot of familiar faces.
yeah!!!

hmm today school supposed to start at 8.
but i skipped gems, and went to school only at 11.
jane's sick and she's on mc.
gotta pray hard for her.
assignments over assignments. there seems to be piling assignments that i do not haf time to complete.
perhaps i juz needa start organising my time.
4hrs of boring lessons~

met candice after school
we went to jurong point...
tried some clothes cos practically im trying hard to change my image.
as usual, i din get any...
after that went to sasa where i needa go my survey for proj e...
it's juz mr kong's stupid idea. made me so malu
needa collect prices for like 20 cosmetics and fragrances?
when i finish collecting half, the supervisor like came up to me
"you are not allowed to record the prices unless u haf a letter from the school."
hmm sounded quite stupid... cos im doing some proj?
anyway i still cant imagine myself doing that too
its juz so not me! the prideful me!
nvm. wad done is done. i shall stop thinking abt it. haa

went to candice's hse.
had dinner there. her parents were like so nice.
fed me with food food and food.
im like some pig there being fed. so full!!!!
the food are rather simple...but they taste good.
fish, brinjal, egg, sotong ball
enjoyed the meal. hee

in candice's room,
we spend almost like 1hr+ singing praise and worship
its really fun, im playing the electric keyboard and candice playing the guitar.
candice is like playing mostly chords, me playing melody, and our voices singing.
ended up both of us quite tired, sat there listen to the sun's album.
john came home!!! praise and worship again..
but this time john playing the guitar and me playing the keyboard.
became 3 voices. hahaaa......
john can really play the guitar very well...if only i can play like him...
fun time always haf to come to an end...
daddy came to send me home. all the way from clementi to boon lay!
whee! I LOVE YOU DADDY!!! <3

haa its been a few days since i last blogg
hmm from friday to today hur?

last friday met chenli and yangxuan at northpoint...
and my darling gave me a pink rose la.
looks so sweet and pretty...
walked ard northpoint and made to wear a write dress which looks so much like a wedding gown.
slack slack and slack... and tried many clothes la...
but as usual i din buy any...hahaa
after that went foodcourt eat and made a great decision to go and cut our hair...
cut hair somewhere near yangxuan's hse...its really cheap there!!
chenli cut her hair till very short...but she still look cute and pretty la.
yangxuan cut her hair to abt shoulder length. abit of changes but not alot
for me lei!! im the best cos i cut abit only. same style but looks as thou i nv cut
think most ppl wont even notice that i cut my hair!! bleah..

saturday...
i went to malaysia la... with my relatives.
total there r abt 15 of us...
woke up early in the morning at 5am! and only reach home abt 10pm
wad a tiring day la!
bought laopobing for some ppl (under demand)
had durian lunch which seems really bad cos im not really into eating durians!
went to jusco to shop for like 3hrs?
yet i din really buy anything...but dearest jia bought clothes and shoes!
spend $80+ there.
jia and i ended up playing hide and seek with li, xun, jo, ivan there la
they are really bad to leave us behind and we gotta walked ard the whole of jusco juz to look for them
in the end they ended up at the arcade. arghhh...
and then...........home sweet home!!! (:

sunday lei...
i practically devoted my whole day to church!
morning went to svc2 with chenli's cell...
think im really bad cos i decided not to sit with my own cell.
after that went off with meiping and jiahui for cellgroup..
the cellgroup was really good!! thou there's only like 6ppl there...
presence of god was strong! yeahh! (^-^)v

finally today!
im in school now.
waiting for break to be over to go for my last 2hr lecture.
i actually dun feel like attending class
cos im really feeling so sick.
im so dizzy. my head seems to be spinning and spinning.
bopian cos i scared of my attendance. dun wanna get warning letter la.

i needa settle my present for jeff...
probably the last one for him i think.
gonna give to him cos i alr done it so mind as well juz give rite?
carol recommend me to get the frame from ikea
hmm buy when am i gonna get the time to go ikea.
im like so bz...

im gonna organise sentosa outing for my cg this week after much discussion with zy.
yeah! on this coming sunday cos there is no cgm.
haven informed anyone yet.
hope that this outing can really bring the cg together and bring the unity.
praying that ppl will turn up...
silosa beach? games? volleyball?
i really haven decided yet. but i noe i gotta start deciding real soon! (:

haa...
im in the lab now doing experiment for my fyp
so tired! my eyes juz dun seem to wanna open!!!
if onlyy.... i had a bed
nahh... meeting chenli later so gotta wake up
chenli is a very nice person.
and alot of ppl will agreed to that

tok to carol and rubez on the phone last nite, ended up paisehing zhiyan
feel quite bad thou. returned his call only at 2pm when he's alr slping...
tok abt jeff too much....
yupp juz because of that BIG WAR!!!
a war that i put to an end last night
im so lightened. maybe cos i chose not to bother.
toking to rubez and carolyn makes me understand myself even more.
yet, abt jeff, nthin i can say.......
DISAPPOINTMENT i think....
gotta pray hard for him thou cos he juz noe wad r the right things to say
i still will thank God for him....
I LOVE CHENLI, RUBEZ, AND CAROLYN!!!

im gonna focus on this ppl,
stop thinking abt some stupid ppl...
FOCUS ON GOD!!
amen!

its 1230 now.still at dover, not done with experiment!
how m i able to meet chenli at 130??
it will be kinda miracle...
im gonna be late once agaiin... like i always do...

LORD, i wanna lift all the burdens to u.
take all of me, so that i can follow u.
You are a miraclous God for u r the one that provided me the strength to move on
You are the one that heals me again and again after being hurt here and then.
i'll praise u and worship u today, tml, and forever
You are the same God ytd, today and forevermore.
i will give thanks, for all the great works u have been doing in my life...
u are all i need!!!
speak your word and i'll seek it!!!
u spoke abt letting go my precious. now im lifting my precious to u.
let me do anything so that i can please u
my LORD~~

once again, im bored in school
waiting for break to end, school to end!
haa. im in the library com section slackingg
thinking of something someone wants me to think
hmm y is it everyone's wanting me to think
maybe i haven used enuf of my brains!!!
lalala~

yupp im juz like a babyy like wad jiahui said..
forever waiting for ppl to feed me...
decisions are all made by others
time to think! and use my empty brain...

happy cos i did well for my test.
unexpected!
higher was 92, lowest was 23, average was 55!
amazing hur? and im above average.
not gonna state my marks.
thank God for my results,
thank God for that fellowship i went,
thank God for ppl like carol, rubez, chenli, and jiahui who prayed for me for my test.
i give thanks to all. for i serve a miraclous God. (:

think im juz quite lucky.
to have certain ppl walking this road with me...
encouraging me and helping me thru the way.
gotta learn to appreciate all the things and the ppl ard me.
gotta stop complaining of the different things and ppl crossing my life.
too much complaining juz means that i haven been giving thanks.
GOTTA GIVE THANKS FOR EVERYTHING!!!
yeah!

the look u gave me today.
wad did it actually mean?
the sympathy u haf for me? or the avoidance?
hmm think i've made a real great mistake last nite.
shouldnt have told u certain things.
things that will cos us to drift even further away from each another.
but al the pain, how i feel, i really wanted u to noe...

i feel so guilty.
feel that wad i did was so wrong...
saw u today. i couldnt even look into ur eyes.
cos somehow i fear. esp when u chose not to say anything
it really cos me to fear even more. not even noeing wad ya thinkingg.
i hid juz so that i wont c u.
thou my heart longs to c ur face, yet im full of guilt....

how i hoped i could be released from al this pain, hurts and suffering im goiing thru now.

you!
the one i truly love,
the one i wanted to hate,
the one i feared so much,
the one i only wanted.
but u're so farr.
way beyond where my hands can reach.
how long more can i last.
how long more before i'll breakdown.

everything i did was juz because i loved you so much.
for us. 6months of admiration, 1year of honeymoon days, and til now 7months of pain
how long more will this last?
is it worth it??? holding on for 7months???
definitely i noe of ppl who hold on to their rs longer than me.
ppl who held on to 2 years, 3 years?
im really wondering wads the strength that keep them going.
for me its God! He's my strength.....
God provided me with so much of His love, maybe its because of this that i can still love him till now.
a silent love, like God's love for me
someday he might understand.
i shall juz be his guardian angel for now.

carol said my blog is a testimony for love?
hmm... its a good thing that i'll understand someday.
love only reminds me of jeff.
yet i dun think its something that is that good hur?
yupp i shld stop thinking of this rubbish
cos it only happens in dreams.

its time i needa wake up, and face reality
stop deluding myself in this wonderful dream that seems so real
but i chose to continue slping.
the world is too painful for me to accept.
its juz too complicated
i shall juz hide myself in my dreamland, with only me and jeff and God in the middle
beautiful flowers all ard, a small and cozy house on its own, birds chirping the melody of love...
wad a wonderful place it is...so peaceful...
all this only happens in dreamland...
i create the world i live in. and im able to choose wad i wan n not wan....
my imaginary place~~~

ENJOYING FRIENDSHIP WITH GOD
By John F. MacArthur, Jr.

“Was not Abraham our father justified by works, when he offered up Isaac his son on the altar? You see that faith was working with his works, and as a result of the works, faith was perfected, and the Scripture was fulfilled which says, ‘And Abraham believed God, and it was reckoned to him as righteousness,’ and he was called the friend of God. You see that a man is justified by works, and not by faith alone” (James 2.21-24).

You are a friend of God if you love Him and obey His Word.

Can you imagine life without friends—those precious people who love you despite your failings and who stand by you through joys and sorrows—those to whom you’ve committed yourself and whose companionship you treasure? They are without question one of God’s greatest gifts, and yet there is an even greater gift—friendship with God Himself.
Jesus spoke of such a friendship in John 15:13-16, describing it as one of intimacy, mutual love, sacrifice, and commitment. In verse 14 He says, “You are My friends, if you do what I command you.” That’s the kind of friendship Abraham demonstrated when he obeyed God and prepared to offer Isaac as a sacrifice (Gen. 22:3-10). Isaac was the son through whom God’s covenant to Abraham would be fulfilled. Killing him would violate that covenant and call into question the character of God, whose Word forbids human sacrifice (Deut. 18:10). It took unquestioning trust for Abraham to obey God’s command. When he did, his faith was on display for all to see.
The Greek word translated ‘justified” in James 2:21 has two meanings: “to acquit” (treat as righteous) or “to vindicate” (demonstrate as righteous). James emphasized the second meaning. When Abraham believed God, he was justified by faith and acquitted of sin (Gen. 15:6). When he offered up Isaac, he was justified by works in that his faith was vindicated.
Faith is always the sole condition of salvation, but saving faith never stands alone—it is always accompanied by righteous works. That’s the test of true salvation and of friendship with God.
As a friend of God, treasure that relationship, and be careful never to let sin rob you of its fullest joy.

ahh! my babiee's pix on msn is so cute!
okiee he's always cute. =X

gone to c the doctor le.
doctor said that im having some muscle strain in my head.
and whether it contracts, its pain.
hmm so thats the cause of the pain that lasted me for the past few weeks?
wow! amazingg... this is the first time i hear something like this.
causes: staring at the com too much, too stressed therefore nv relax, not enuf slp, etc la...
he seem to say so much!
gave me two medicine to take. one packet of painkiller, and another packet to help my muscles relax.

great daddy made me BARLEY to drink. homemade barley.
how sweet can my dad be! I LOVE DADDY KUAH!!!
and of cos DADDY in heaven...

went to kbox with carolyn juz now.
sang there for abt 3hrs?
we're like so crappy.
picking all those weird weird songs to sing.
but really enjoyed myself...
enjoy carolyn's presence...
juz every part of it la.
i shall not elaborate then.

time to study for quiz tml. haven started!
keke! (:
PQM!!! 5 structured questions.
i feel like im gonna go for some bible study test.
cos im studying abt leadership?
lalala~~

ytd's test was realli horrible.
think i will most prob fail it. one more module down! T.T
all the theory that i studied din come out at all.
nvm.shall forget abt unhappy stuff.

hee.went to watch movie ytd JUST MY LUCK
together with chenli, hongbin, and chengyu.
the show is abt transferring luck from one person to another.
thou i dun really believe that this kind of thing will happen,
think this show not too bad la.
abit funny, abit romantic, abit lame. haha..
went to see ppl ice-skate after the movie. so many ppl there lor!
maybe it's juz because its YOUTH DAY.a public holiday for all the pri to jc students.
wondering y we poly students dun celebrate youth day.
shldnt we have a public holiday too? arent we youths too?
hahaa...we r YOUNG ADULTS i supposed.
went to This Fashion. and i tried a dress. amazed?
think i really looked weird in it. its juz not me.
but at least it made chenli happy. (:

today din go to school.
so practically im rotting at home now la.
chatting with jiahui on msn.
waiting for time to pass faster.
waiting for carolyn to end school cos she's accompanying me to the doc.
arent i lucky?
down with fever, and bad headache...
i gotta be like Daniel hur? physically fit!
but im in a place with germs and bacteria flying everywhere
my whole family is sick all at the same time.
think the weather is really very bad recently. so many ppl sick...
Father, i pray for health.
i pray for healing to come upon all those who are sick.
give us good health, that we can be physically fit juz like Daniel...
Amen! =D

missing you so much babiee!

im thinking of YOU

this are the happy moments that we spend together. how i longed that this bond between us still remains.the smiles on our faces that i'll rem and treasure forever.i dunno abt u guys,but this will be memories placed close to my heart.

friendship?
i rem once chenli told me that jiahui said he's close to me n zhiyan in the cg
i have been asking myself for the past few weeks.
wad does the word "close" mean?
toking onli to each another only when we needa go church?
asking each another wad time we will reach?
to me, being close to someone means sharing your tots.communicating.

so many times i wanted to tok to jiahui and zhiyan.
about opening up.i wanna understand wad u guys are really thinking inside.
im actually quite tired of c-ing only the happy side of u.
whenever i asked the both of u whether u have anything that is troubling u,
the onli answer i get back is "no lah"
the no. of times i ask is like equal to the no. of times i get rejected by u guys.

i once told zhiyan.
i do miss the period of time when we tot that me,zhiyan,jiahui,rubez are the core of the cell.
i rem at least we communicated with each other, enjoyed each another's presence.
how much i treasured those moments, all the happy moments.
wad about now?sigh...
zhiyan said something like we r always changing, cant expect things to be the same all the time.
when he said that, i tot.
so does frenz only mean this little to u?
i really think im upset.disappointed with u guys.

rubez, i thank god for u.
u're the only one that i think im close to.
i love listening to u share about ur stuff, i love your presence.
spend almost 4hrs juz toking to u today.
but i think this 4hrs is realli fruitful, at least to me
it might be juz sitting at one corner and enjoying each another's presence
u really make me feel important in your life.
THANK YOU RUBEZ!

to jiahui and zhiyan,
if u guys happen to read this, i wanna tell u that i really care for u two
i wanna understand u ppl more.......

babiee,i finally completed the puzzle that i own u since last dec.
its 17more days to ur bday.
yet i dunno wad to give u for ur bday.
end up decided on completing the puzzle and maybe getting something else.
special ppl gets special treatment from me! x)
spend the whole afternoon doing the puzzle for u.
from 11am to 4pm. like 5 hours?
hmm thats long.hahaa...
but its worth it i think. hoping u will like it.

being too kanchiong abt bie's present cause me to forget e time
almost late for svc.lucky is ALMOST.
still made it on time so....., lalala~~
svc today was really good.
praise and worship was so awesome, message by pst tan was so powerful.
God's presence was so strong during worship. i teared....
God's word was so good, im so impacted by it.
wad a fulfilling day! and im happy!

today's message was abt pressing on to our future (vision)
When we became a christian, God entered into our life and gave us a vision and a future.
no one noes abt our future, other than God.
"a man without a vision, is a man without a future"
ppl usually gets disappointed in life because we expect God to remove al the hurts in our lifes, and protect us from hurts.
when a person thinks like that, it only shows that he does not know what the heart of God is like.
ppl tend to only wanna c the miracles of God and yet not wanting to know the heart of God.
"what will a man give in exchange for his soul?" -Matt 16:26
when we do not know who God is, we tend to make foolish choices and exchange our lifes for something lesser.
gotta press on to the vision that God placed in our hearts!

hmm...i really wan to be a person that is after the purpose and vision that God placed in my life.
to become a musician n a worship singer in church.
somehow it seems that this vision is so far away. but im gonna PRESS ON!!!
im not gonna be discouraged, and go back to wad im ytd.
im gonna move forward! towards the calling, towards almighty God!
i wan to know the heart of God. i wanna know Him more.

after service went to marina square.
ate carl's junior.
it was a spchc cum cg fellowship.
regina, emil, rongping, wahkeong, shiyun, rubez, candice, jason, sinyee, wanlin, zhihao, zhiyan, me!
quite an enjoyable time!
i love fellowshipping with ppl...WHEE!!!