disintegrate

rate

in school now waiting for time to pass. time is really going very slowly today. today is quite a BIG day i guess?

firstly its my fyp presentation. im really worried that i dun do well. im never good in presentation. usually i'll stumble. wads more? im presenting the part on the theory.

secondly today marks one year after i broke up with jeff, this also means that our problems already existed for one year! never ever got a ruined friendship that lasted for one whole year, and still going. looking at him now, i can only tell myself "wad shld i say". seriously, towards him is an empty feelingg, weird feeling? the day that our friendship might start over again might not even come. not really expecting anythingg. =X

thirdly, today is the last day of school and its HOLIDAYS!! 3weeks of break. dinner and dance, cruise, christmas, appreciation night, darling's bday, my birthday, candice's birthday, new year! im excited!!! whee!! ((:

monday, only went to school for test. din do really well, but expected cos its a language module. then went over to debbie's hse with jane n yvn to try the dresses. we like playing some kinda fashion show, change in and out. hahaa. took a cab down to ps to meet jia hy n zy. we watched happy feett. walked around ps for a while then hy n zy went off. so left me and jia. walked down towards somerset area to meet up with kenneth. on the way i went to disturb xiaolaogong. make jia try clothes then left the clothes on the table for her to keep. met up with kenneth le went to cine eat ljs. shiwei join us and we walk at taka. jia bought like 4presents for xmas. i ordered a jacket. :)

tuesday went to pm at ymca. then went over to sandy's chalet. reached there alr like 8+pm. instead of eating the bbq there, we went to eat kfc. stayed there till 1030 then daddy came to fetch me.

wednesday was a really long day. in school from 8am to 7pm. had cls graduation party which is quite lame.. took alot of pic thou. :)

The Five R's to Victory in our Thought Life

1. RECOGNIZE and REJECT the wrong thoughts (negative or tempting) that come against you (2 Cor. 10:5). Any thought that is BAD is a wrong thought. Self-defeat, self-pity, resentment, fear, guilt, negativism, jealousy, worry, discouragement. Don't let them get authority in your mind and grow a harvest. If satan sows one of these seeds in your mind refuse it with authority. (Gal.6:7)

5 Basic areas of the Soul - Though Processes, Emotions, Imaginations, Memories, Will

Satan comes against us in our THOUGH PROCESSES. Then his attacks spread to our EMOTIONS. This flashes a picture on the screen of our IMAGINATIONS. This begins to replay tapes from our MEMORIES of similar past experiences. The WILL POWER is taken over.

2. REBUKE the appropriate spirit in the name of Jesus (Matt.16:19). Evil spirits are real. They can usually be identified by the negative emotions which are present, e.g. anxiety, depression, hatred, rage, rebellion, loneliness, sadness, fantasy, unbelief, etc. They feed on our negative emotions and hurts, infecting and worsening them. We can and must command them to leave us alone.

3. RECITE what God's Word says about the problem area and RENEW YOUR MIND in it (Rom.12:2). We must begin to view life from God's perspective. Stand against circumstances. Don't let circumstances dictate to you, you let the Word of God dictate to your circumstances. Stand on God's Word.

4. RESIST the devil and he will flee from you (Jas. 4:7)! God didn't make us to be runners, so don't ever run from the devil. God wants us to be resistors! He wants us to be WARRIORS!!!

5. REJOICE in ALL things (1Thes. 5:18). Cultivate an ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE. Be grateful, giving thanks in all things. Such obedience will lift burdens, change your perspective and bless you in countless ways..

darling said: for the impossible, God will do the miracle. for the possible, God expects us to work harder. really. don't ever give up.
yingzz said: AMEN!!!

seriously, i needa be like mary. i needa overcome the situations that are in front of me now... thou im an ordinary person, but God uses ordinary ppl to do extraordinary things for him. mary had fears too, but she overcame them. she had great faith. i needa build up such faith, faith that will overcome the fears that are within me. i cant let anything pull me down, i needa stand strong and face all the different obstacles that are placed in front of me. thank God for the ppl who tries all their means to bring me down, thank God for the ppl who speak bad about me. these are the ppl who will build my faith. i'll fight the fight of faith. no weapon formed against me shall prosper!!! >:DDD

these two days were the mj zone camp. its really good. on the first day, during worship, they off the lights and i kneeled down before the Lord. the presence of God was really strong, and i teared, crying out to the Lord. i need a new anointingg, im really tired. mj prayed for everyone. its good, and i felt as thou im being pushed back.. the moment mj lay hands on me, i fell. the second day was more of an evangelistic one. alot of ppl came. there's drama, preaching and bbq.

been feeling really very bad recently. i feel really burdened by the things happening around me, esp my cg stuff. i ask God what is there i can do for you. everything seems so difficult and impossible. looking at the situation now, i stay stagnant, im not movingg. i look at the ppl around me, jia zhiyan shiwei huiying robson andrew.. there are so many things that needa be changed. but i feel like i dun really have tat capacity to carry so many things. among my cg members, i guess jia is the closest to me. now, i dun even noe how to communicate with him. or maybe i fear. someone told me when a frenship begin to drift away, it'll nv be the same again. when i think of my cg members, i felt as thou im so distant away from them, i dun seem to understand any of them.

before i become a cgh, i had most of them as my close frenz. but now, i feel im starting to lose them all. emptyness. my heart hurts, it really does. i wanna draw near to them, but i feel they are drawing away. all this pain i couldnt bear, all these words i couldnt say. all i wanna let them noe is i do love them alot, and i treasure everyone in n239.

monday was quite a bad day. alot of things in my mind. different ppl and different things are driving me nuts. my biggest burden will always be on cg. when i look at the ppl, im disappointed. i mean how many of them are really here wanting to serve God. i feel most of them are here to have fun and to make friends. then i ask myself again, if they wanna juz come to have fun and make friends, do they have to come here? they are in the world and of the world. thank God for darling and carol last nightt. spent a few hours talking to darling abt our cg stuff. the both of us are going thru a difficult time. the problems that surfaced seems to be of the same kind. but we're not gonna give up!!! we're going to do more than just our best. we'll give it all out!!! SACRIFICE, to You!!! (:

because of you, i'll smile.
because of you, i'll live.
because of you, i'll keep pressing on.
its all because i love you.

saturday went out quite late. only left the house when i need to go to expo to meet some of the ppl in the zone. by right, we are supposed to have a meeting at 330pm, then pushed back to 4pm, and in the end dun have meeting. lol. so went back to expo mrt station to meet shiwei and head for hall8. tried to enter by the backdoor. who knows there's no access that day cos got some pm thingy.. walked back to enter from the main door. the hall opened super late, like 430pm. and at 445, there's only 4ppl from my cell, the rest not reached yet. sighh. today's attendance is bad too! like 10ppl? REVIVAL!!!! after svc, supposed to go for camp meeting, wasnt really feeling well so told them i wont be going. went with cg to vivocity. jia made me 2 doggy balloons, then zy gave me one sword balloon. its like im taking 3 balloons the whole journey home. too many balloons, too lil hands. (:

sunday went to jack's place to eat lunch with daddy and xun. then rushed home cos im supposed to meet shiwei at 115pm. we went over to mj hse. then the moment i step in, kana suan alr. jialat. cg atmosphere was really bad during praise and worship. its really quiet.!! mj was trying super hard to bring up the atmosphere. another cg message abt prayers! prayers is about denying ourselves, and putting him first! its good (: mj prayed for everyone in the cg. for most ppl, he prayed for the revival in their prayer life. but for me, mj didnt focus on prayer, he prayed for hurts and disappointment. i teared, didnt really noe why. started to think about the things in my life. realised that there's things that is standing between me and God. God gave me a word, and for the first time, i actually decided to share. somehow when i opened my mouth, i had no voice, i sounded super weird. felt something stopping me from speaking. hmmm....interesting..! after cg, shiwei rubez weikiat meiping and me went over to parkway. we shopped around for awhile, meiping headed for work and weikiat went home to slp. the rest of us continued shopping. rubez and i managed to accomplish quite some stuff today. yeah! bought a shirt from dorothy perkins, and my dress FINALLY!!! now im left with heels? >:DDD

wednesday went to school as usual. ended school quite early then went to do projectt. met jia at boonkeng for dinner then head home le.

friday morning went over to lavendar to acc my bro change his passport photo. haha. then he took the photo look like ah beng. the lady there super fierce then keep telling my bro that his hair cannot cover his eyebrows. lol. after that lei, went over to swim and suntan. happened to see liduan there, but nv go and say hi to her cos she tanning. chiong home to finish up my part for the report then send to my fren. headed for darling's mama shop at near angmokio?bishan? darling made some dumpling soup and some yi mian thingy for me to eat. very nice! hee. then sat there talk talk.... at 645, we went over to meet shiwei at orchard mrt station. its really SHOPPING lor. esp when i've got an objective to meet, then become super stress. tried like 8 dresses lorr, but all nv buy. its either too ex, or not nice.. haha. from wisma, we walk to taka, to heeren, to OG (to meet xiaolaogong), to ps. waited for bren to end work and went home together. bullied her the whole journey back. thats my duty rite? but feel abit bad la, cos she's sick...