disintegrate

rate

someone asked me, why burdens are placed on us.
i guess they are there to mould us to be a better and stronger person.
when there are burdens, we tend to strive for the higher, and go up to another level.

prayers is like playing with lego. wad we pray for, is wad we'll build.
wad are my goals?
most importantly i think i needa re-adjust my living.
re-adjusting is not impossible, its a choice that has to be made.
my physical life needs to be re-adjusted. gotta learn to lead a healthy lifestyle. needa sleep earlier.
our body is the temple of God, so its important to take good care of it.
my emotional life needs to be re-adjusted. gotta learn to share more with others, so that i wont build up too many walls.
like wad sarina said, in God, we do not need to put up a strong front, we can be ourselves.
my spiritual life needs to be re-adjusted. gotta pray more, read the bible more.
FOCUS! so that i wont falter so easily.
i needa have more faith and trust in Him. have a better relationship with Him.
seek love not from the natural, but the supernatural. (:

saturday is over, sunday is over.
these two days have been a torture.
many worries, many incertainities.
lots of tears produced.
but im glad that its finally OVER.
and a big thank you to the silly one that accompanied me till 4am.

the tough periods are over, and im gonna stand strong again.
in my life, i've gone thru alot, even many things that others have not gone thru before.
all these things have made me stronger, and from it i gain experience.
every moment of our life is something that we can treasure, be it good or bad.
i'll not deny that i lived my life the very hard way, and its very painful.
but there're also others that are living the life i have gone thru.
i wanna step out of it officially, i dun wanna be stuck in my past.
its time i move on.
my past will be kept as memories, will always remember them.
in past hurts, i'll learn to forgive. so that the memories kept will only be the beautiful ones.

its end of all the holidays.
most of the people are back to work, yet im super free.
haven really been doing much recently.
perhaps its time i start finding a job, and start working.
not doing anything is real boring. eat, sleep, watch tv. typical pig. soon i'll be fat.
can someone be nice to teach me how to do up a resume?
hmm how come poly doesnt teach me to write one..

21 january: jia's mum went back to malaysia. then i went over to look for him after that in orchard. walked around to look for mango cos i bought a belt that is extremely big, so needa change. went mos burger to eat. super funny, someone dropped almost 3/4 of the fillings cos he wanted to remove a slice of tomato, which in the end went into his stomach. met up with zhiyan at ps, then watched norbit at cathay cineplex. norbit is super funny la! the girl is seriously FAT! paid money to laugh at a big screen. lol. zhiyan and jia ate at crystal jade, then i sit there play game. huiying came over and join us, then went to eat dou hua. took train to bugis, to eat dinner with some people.

22 january: the best day ever. woke up super late at 11am. watched tv, then went back to school to return my library books which are dued for ages. had lunch and watched tv all the way till 4plus. sleep. wake up le watch tv again. met xun to eat dinner at my market there. home watch tv all the way to 11. do some stuff and now bloggin. guess the only useful thing i've done today is collect attendance for prayer meeting, cell group and service. quite stressful thou. n239 must learn to reply to sms more. just sending sms to the whole cg, think i sent about 100sms today. this month's bill should be scary.

2days of new year have passed. today is the third day, and tmr lots of people is gonna head back to work.

first day of new year:
went to granny's house to bai nian. then went to temple to bai my ahgong. alot of ppl there. happen to meet chris there. she cut her hair till super super short, then my relatives all tot she's a guy. hahaa. went to another temple to bai my mummy, and my greatgrandma. headed to adam hawker centre to eat indian rojak and nasi lemak. home. sleep. wake up. sleep. wake up. off to granny's house again for dinner.

second day of new year:
went to grandma house for lunch. compared to the other granny's place, this one is noisier. stayed there watched tv, play cards, etc. left for jo's house. lil chloe got new clothes to wear. another plate of yusheng, then make till the whole table super dirty. thanks to one of my cousins. raise his chopsticks till so high then throw the food down. i dun like yusheng, i only eat the crackers. slack slack awhile then went home le. gotta prepare cos all of them coming over to my place, so must do last min tidying. daddy bought dinner back for all of them to eat. after dinner, got mahjong table set up for the adults to play. since i cant play then i went back to my room hoping to be able to have some peace. who knows, my laptop kana taken up by two of my cousins. no room to be in, no laptop to use, this is craziness!!!

today's the third day. where will i be heading? lunch at aunt angelia's house. dinner at aunt patricia's house. maybe going chinpor's house. (:

i wanna be alone, i wanna walk away.
i dun wanna be so 'fan'. ]=
*darling, im not gonna make it true. it cannot happen. i'll go away.

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR TO ALL!!!
new year is the busiest time of the year.
lots of shopping to do, lots of cleaning up, and lots of money being spent.!

the past two days went on a shopping spree.
walked from lido to plaza singapura, from raffles city to marina square.
just this two days i guess i spent at least 10hours of shopping.

had steamboat just now, as usual. we always eat steamboat on new year's eve.
fish, vege, abalone, scallop, beef, fishball, sotong, egg, mushroom, tofu, crabstick, prawns...
eat till wanna vomit.

there a new pet hamster at my cousin's place, called hamy.
super cute, super active.. run all around the house.
hopefully i get to own a pet one day. (:

today i finally cleared most of my new year shopping. almost bought all the things that i needa to buy. met shiwei andrew zhixian at bugis, then took taxi down to expo for service. service was about relationships, relationship with God, friends, and loved ones. its good. accompany robson, eric, shiwei down for prayers. paster prayed for those who went down, but i didnt get prayed. the presence was super strong. thou i was being laid hands on, i almost fell back. guess for the first time, shiwei fell in the spirit. its good. Holy Spirit is working in her! prayed for shiwei quietly after that. God speak to me about the areas she is struggling in. overall its quite a good day. just rather emo towards the end of the day.

for a moment, i felt like im the most foolish person;
for a moment, i felt like tearing that turtle up;
for a moment, im speechless;
for a moment, i hoped im invisible;
for a moment, i hoped i could turn back time;
for a moment, i thank God that its just a moment.

yesterday was valentine day.
my valentine day this year is a little different from usual.
usually my valentine day is spent romantically.
this year i spend it in a group, of 10people.
robson, zhihao, eric, zhixian, andrew, priscilla, meiping, shiwei, jiahui, and me!
went to eat steamboat at marina bay.
interesting things happen at marina bay.
firstly, its so romantic to walk from marina bay mrt station to our final destination, without noeing whether we are heading in the right direction.
secondly, there were free meals. lol.
maybe sometimes its good to be late? haha.
din really eat much cos wasnt feeling very well.
thirdly, my red wine was stolen and got itself into some turtle's stomach, leaving me with only one sip to drink.
fourthly, some turtle got kissed by his dearest darling andrew. *oops!
special day celebrated in a special way.

gifts of the year:
this year only gave gifts to 2person, called the turtle and the rabbit family.
gave turtle a turtle card.
gave rabbit a heart shaped pillow with a lil bear.
received 3 handmade roses from my darlingg.
received something special.
overall, its a great valentine day!

today attended the first cgm together with the other cg. i kinda can click and blend in with quite a few of them already. this will be my start. atmosphere for cg is really good today. presence of God was really strong. guess due to the difference in the number of people, cgm feels so different!. became noisier, livelier. had some valentine's gifts from some of the members today. received quite alot, yet didnt prepare anything. at first wanted to prepare some white present for some turtle, but i decided not to. wahahahaha... after cg, had a short leaders-helpers meeting. talked about following up the members in the cg, which will help in the multiplication. hmm this also means that im gonna be kinda busy for this few weeks, alot of events coming up, alot of preparations, esp for the upcoming outreach. headed for causeway point. ate with cg, gloria, vincent and alan at this restaurant called kampong days. then went over to pasar malam to look for darlingg. happen to meet up with some irritating handphone cover uncle. he super rude, product got problem yet blame it on the phone. give all the stupid attitude. didnt he hear before that customers are always right? went over to another shop to buy handphone cover. the uncle there is much nicer, friendlier. walked around at causeway point, bought a bedsheet. met john at clementi to eat supper, cos is his birthday tmr. stingray, sotong, vege. alot of good food today, gonna grow fat.
anyway HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHN!!!!

friday.
met up with andrew to shop around but end up din buy anything.
jia booked out already, came over and look for us.
saw darling at mrt station. so qiao she going suntec.
shiwei end work, came and look for us.
the rest of the cg slowly appeared one by one.

saturday.
stayed home.
met andrew and zhixian at clementi mrt, then he late half an hour.
met robson and jia at tanah merah.
cg merge le. then sit together. for the first time sit 4 row from the stage.
briefing with sarina.
went to city hall for dinner.

hmm super sad.
crying in the mrt is something very stupid and paiseh. but dunno y i always do that.
so many people staring at u, and so many people asking wad happen.
have been thinking, in life is there a right or wrong answer?
right and wrong answer are quite subjective i think.
for certain things, there may be a "right" answer to it.
but for others, i guess it really depends.
sometimes things can be done on impulse, sometimes things have different meanings to it, sometimes....
arent there alot of sometimes?
i cant expect people to have the same thinking as me.
but being misunderstood is something very sad.
esp when my intepretation of something may be different from someone else.
perhaps its really better that i stay at home.

today is the last exam, which is the last day that i actually needa be in school.
BIOPROCESS ENGINEERING PRINCIPLES!
hmm this is the paper that i hate most and fear most, and cos of that, i study the hardest.
imagine me sitting down on the desk for the whole day mugging?
i put in alot of effort for this paper, hopefully able to do well.
yet, i went to flip thru the past year papers, the questions are so tough!
and my confidence got pulled down. im really scared now.
i've only got about 2 more hours to exam and so much incertainites.
God help me!! i need the wisdom. i need all the theory into my head.
may my head not go blank in the exam hall.!
ok! i shall go and study and PRAY now.
lol. do the final revisions. (:
wish me all the best.!

for some reason or another, im gonna be a good girl today, TRY to sleep EARLY. maybe off to bed about 12plus?

haven been doing anything useful today. talk on the phone, watch tv, play games, sleep, eat. yupp, guess thats about it! realise that STUDYING is not on that list. practically really been slacking, despite my last paper. 2more days and end of my poly life, no more lectures, no more notes, 60% freedom. the remaining 40% belongs to my dad. lol.

anyway gotta wake up early tmr (HOPEFULLY) to study. so ciaoz.

today is my second exam. overall was quite okie! made some stupid mistakes, end up losing marks for nothing. guess thats it to my A, but im fine with B la.

have been doing the cell group's members particulars. took up almost my whole day. did up the first contact list and sent out, without noeing that there are more information like the address required. end up gotta update the list. got the cg to send me their address, and it took ages. only managed to send out the updated contact list awhile ago.

one more paper to go, the worse paper of all. hopefully i mug tmr. im a noob in biology. hate it. haha.!

guess there's sth wrong with blogger, sometimes my blog can be viewed, sometimes its on error, when i never even do anything. CRAZY!.

today never even study at all. went out in the morning for bs. talked with mj about the different ppl in the cg, and SOT again. cg will no longer be at chinpor's place, maybe back to mj hse. after that when to cut hair and eat at teahouse restaurant. the food there not bad la. my hair super short.. like boy liao le, the good thing is that i can spike my hair. the bad thing is that my fringe sucks, regret cutting it. met up with some of the cg ppl for dinner. shop, chitchat and its alr 1030. then all head home..

i've screwed up for my first exam. ARGHH.
guess its due to insufficient preparation and insufficient sleep.
this morning im real tired, couldnt wake up to go for exam. thank God im not late.
the questions werent tough, they're the questions that i've been practicing on the whole night.
yet the moment i stepped into the exam hall, POOF! my brain went blank. couldnt think, couldnt recall anything. all the equations in my head started to mess up. next i dun even noe how to approach the questions.
conclusion, DEAD!

one paper down, another two more to go. one on monday, another on thursday.
pray that i'll do well for my paper on monday, cos i guess i'll screw the paper on thursday.
bio paper, i dun have much of expectation, just hoping for a D. if possible a C?
perhaps i really needa study real hard for my last two papers. not to let history repeat itself?
monday's maths paper, i must score!! gonna get my A for it man!

lesser slacking, more hard work.
lesser tv, more notes.
lesser computer games, more brainstorming.
lesser distraction, more concentration.
lesser sleep, more prayers.
lesser fear, more faith. (:

gotta be optimistic.
gotta forget about the first paper.
now's all about how i finish the race. gotta be a good finisher! (^-^)v