disintegrate

hmm. guess im not in the right mood this few days. alot of things have been in my mind. and things arent really going the way i thought it would be. its really quite hard to find someone that i feel like pouring all out to. i knew ppl will be there for me. but i couldnt bring myself to speak of certain issues. esp to the issues of my heart. has nth really gotta do with my past relationships. juz emptyness? many questions appear in my head. it all leads to this word WHY? guess i really hated this word alot. ppl tend to like asking this question. curiousity? i always dun haf the answers to the questionss. even if i had the questions, i always refuse to accept them. am i really happy? i dunno.. maybe all this while i have been holding on, pressing on. i noe God is there for me. i hear Him speak. wad now? all i needed was to guard my heart.. its juz too fragile, capable of breaking and tearing anytime. i feel like crying, crying real hard. but i guess i needa stand strong!! cos there's still so many things needed for me to do. i can only depend on God's strength for now. i need new revelations, i need new visions! i needa survive!!!