disintegrate

another week has past. time juz flies so quickly.. this whole week has been quite happening i guess? so many things happening... so many emotions that i dunno where to start from. guess im juz a lil tired, wanting for a break. if only i could enjoy myself w/o having the need of worrying for anythingg.

there are so many things im worried about:
1. my studies. i dun seem to be doing well. esp when in school, my group members are those that are really hardworking. sometimes i juz felt as thou im pushed to the limit. there's nv ending work, and i nv had a chance to breathe. no matter how hard i tried, i seem to be like an disappointment to them.
2. my cg. i really wanna noe wad i could do to bring the ppl together.. sometimes it can really be super discouraging cos the ppl dun even feel like fellowshippin with each another. and i got this feeling like im starting to draw away from them. i love my cg, but i come to a point that i feel like giving up cos its really tiring. someone told me that this cg is no longer like a whole, but individuals. hmm i do noe, i can c, im trying to put it back. i need time, and i need the cooperation of the whole cg. i cant be doing this alone.
3. jia's operation. his operation is juz 3days away. somehow im worried, i juz prayed that everything will go smoothly. thou its juz a minor one, but there's risk in every operation. seen ppl in and out of the operation theatre so many times. i dun wan anything to go wrong, esp to someone close to me.
4. my frenship with jeff. its over i guess. we have made ourselves clear that we'll not do anything to make it better. i mean it hasnt been well for the past 10months. im more afraid abt seeing him in school, in class. most prob it'll really be super weird cos of such bad ending.
5. my missions. firstly im supposed to have got my notice board done a month ago. but i delayed it all the way till now, and its not done yet. i guess i juz didnt have the time to do it. secondly for the outreach, im not able to get any friends or walk ins. i have been trying hard to invite my frenz. im afraid im a disappointment to bro mj.