disintegrate

these two days were the mj zone camp. its really good. on the first day, during worship, they off the lights and i kneeled down before the Lord. the presence of God was really strong, and i teared, crying out to the Lord. i need a new anointingg, im really tired. mj prayed for everyone. its good, and i felt as thou im being pushed back.. the moment mj lay hands on me, i fell. the second day was more of an evangelistic one. alot of ppl came. there's drama, preaching and bbq.

been feeling really very bad recently. i feel really burdened by the things happening around me, esp my cg stuff. i ask God what is there i can do for you. everything seems so difficult and impossible. looking at the situation now, i stay stagnant, im not movingg. i look at the ppl around me, jia zhiyan shiwei huiying robson andrew.. there are so many things that needa be changed. but i feel like i dun really have tat capacity to carry so many things. among my cg members, i guess jia is the closest to me. now, i dun even noe how to communicate with him. or maybe i fear. someone told me when a frenship begin to drift away, it'll nv be the same again. when i think of my cg members, i felt as thou im so distant away from them, i dun seem to understand any of them.

before i become a cgh, i had most of them as my close frenz. but now, i feel im starting to lose them all. emptyness. my heart hurts, it really does. i wanna draw near to them, but i feel they are drawing away. all this pain i couldnt bear, all these words i couldnt say. all i wanna let them noe is i do love them alot, and i treasure everyone in n239.