disintegrate

hmm i juz finished reading rubez's blog.
which really made me so ashamed of myself.
so many things God reveals to me, yet i forget.
i haven been obedient for a long period of time.

i noe in my heart of how much i wanted to noe Him better,
how much i wanna seek Him.
yet im letting all my tiredness and work pull me down.
dry, the word can be used to descirbe me now.

really feel like breaking down and cry my heart to Him.
im so guilty.
i think im alr on the walk of the world, and not on the walk with God.
i need to feel His presence.
i need the revival and joy of the Lord.
i need to pray real hard.
my spirit is willing, but my flesh is failing me!
when am i gonna wake up?
i have really been so stagnant for the past few months.
haven been thankful for so many things for the past few weeks?

irritated..
how nice it would be to juz be a child.
innocent and full of joy.....
=((